Childproofing Your Baby’s World

By Ann Douglas

It’s only natural to want to protect your baby from harm—to protect her from the inevitable bumps and bruises. The key to babyproofing your child’s world is to learn how to see your home through your child’s eyes. “It’s a matter of developing a safety sense—of constantly asking yourself, ‘What could happen in this situation, and what can I do to either prevent it from happening or minimize the injury?’” explains Valerie Lee, President of the Kitchener, Ontario, based Infant and Toddler Safety Association.

While it’s unrealistic to think that you can prevent every single accident from happening, there’s much you can do to make your baby’s world a safe and secure place. Here’s what you can do to eliminate the major hazards in a typical home:

Every room:

- Keep a set of emergency telephone numbers beside each telephone—not just your main telephone.

- Keep curtain and blind cords out of baby’s reach.

- Keep high chairs, cribs, and furniture away from windows, appliances, and other potential hazards.

- Keep children away from baseboards and portable heaters.

- Use plastic safety covers and cord locks on electrical outlets.

- Install babyproof latches on drawers and cupboard doors.

- Place window guards on all second-storey windows.

- Attach bookcases and tall dressers to the wall to prevent tipping and avoid placing heavy items on top.

- Keep a fire extinguisher near each exit to your home.

- Store lighters and matches out of your child’s reach and change the batteries in your smoke detector at least twice a year (whenever you move your clock forward or back).

- Store medications and cleaners in their original containers so that you’ll be able to identify which products your child has consumed in the event of a poisoning.

- Wipe up spills promptly and avoid area rugs, which can pose a tripping hazard.

- Avoid leaving your child and your pet alone in the same room.

- Keep your cat’s litter box in a part of the house that is off-limits to your child.

Halls and stairways:

- Hang a shelf near the front door so that Grandma can keep her purse (and her heart medication) out of your toddler’s reach while she’s visiting.

- Install wall-mounted baby gates at the top (and, if necessary, the bottom) of each set of stairs.

- Keep the stairs free of objects.

- Get rid of your drycleaning bags as soon as you bring your drycleaning into the house. Tie them in knots and toss them in the trash.

- Install door alarms on all exterior doors.

Nursery:

-Get rid of any crib that was manufactured before September 1986.

- Tighten the screws in your child’s crib and check to ensure that the sides of the crib are still firmly locked in place.

- Inspect your baby’s crib mattress to ensure that it’s still in good condition. Replace it immediately if it’s too soft, too worn, or it doesn’t fit the crib snugly.

- As soon as your child learns how to stand in her crib, drop the mattress to the lowest setting and remove any bumper pads and large toys.

- Put your child is fire-retardant sleepwear rather than regular clothing at bedtime.

- Check that the safety strap on your baby’s change table is still working properly, and get in the habit of using it whenever you’re changing her diaper.

Remove any drawstrings or cords from your child’s clothing in order to reduce the risk of strangulation.

- Keep the diaper pail out of reach of your child or purchase a model with a child-proof latch.

- Avoid baby products such as walkers which have been manufactured for the U.S. market. They may not meet Canadian safety standards.

- Place a decal on your child’s window to let firefighters know that there’s a child in that room. You can obtain such decals from any child safety supply store.

- Avoid using decorative plug covers in your baby’s room. They’ll only encourage her to touch the electrical outlets.

- Move rocking chairs and gliders to another part of the house as soon as your child becomes mobile. They can pinch fingers or otherwise injure a baby or toddler.

- Regularly inspect your baby’s pacifier for signs of deterioration. According to Health Canada, pacifiers should be changed at least every two months.

- Tie a small parts tester (a.k.a. “choke tube”) to your baby’s change table. That way, you’ll know where to find the tube whenever you want to test whether a particular toy contains parts that are small enough to pose a choking hazard. (If you’re away from home, you can use a toilet paper roll instead. It’s slightly larger than a choke tube, but it’s best to err on the side of caution anyway.)

Bedroom:

- Never leave a baby or toddler alone on your bed.

- Never place a baby on a water bed.

- Don’t allow a child under the age of six to sleep on the top bunk of a bunk bed. The risk of falls and/or suffocation is simply too great.

Bathroom:

- Check the temperature on your hot water heater. According to Safe Kids Canada, most water heaters are set at 60° C or higher rather than the 49°C that most safety experts recommend.

- Fill your child’s bath with a few inches of cold water and then add hot water until the bath has reached the appropriate temperature.

- Don’t rely on a bathtub seat to babysit your baby for you while she’s in the tub. The suction cups on the seat could suddenly release and your baby’s face could go under water.

- Use bath mats in the bathtub to reduce the risk of slipping.

- Lock all medications (including vitamins) in your medicine chest or—even better—store them in a small cash box or medium-sized fishing-tackle box that can be locked and then stashed on the top shelf of your bedroom closet.

- Keep mouthwash, shampoo, cosmetics, and other toiletries out of your child’s reach.

- Equip the toilet seat with a childproof latch.

Kitchen:

- Check that the base of your baby’s high chair is wide enough to be stable, and check that the chair’s safety harness is still functional.

- Use placemats rather than a tablecloth at your kitchen table.

- Don’t hold a baby or toddler when you’re eating or drinking anything hot.

- Keep stuffed animals and other flammable toys away from the cooking area.

- Turn pot handles toward the back of the stove and only cook on the back burners.

- Keep cords for kettles, toasters, and other electrical appliances out of the reach of children.

- Organize your kitchen cupboards so that the items that are of the greatest interest to your child (e.g. cookies!) are the farthest distance from the stove.

Keep knives, can openers, and other sharp items out of the reach of children.

- Learn which foods (e.g. whole grapes, hot dog wieners, carrot sticks) pose a choking risk to babies and toddlers, and either chop the foods into smaller pieces or avoid them until your child gets a little older.

- Be careful if you heat your baby’s food in the microwave. Stir the food thoroughly and check the temperature carefully before serving it to the baby.

- Keep household cleaners—including dishwasher detergent—out of reach of children.

Family/Living room

- Discard any broken toys that have developed sharp edges or that could present a choking hazard.

- Ensure that any toys that require batteries have child-safe battery compartments (e.g. ones that can only be opened with a screwdriver).

- Make sure that your toy box is safe. It should have a safety hinge to prevent the lid from closing too quickly and it should have ventilation holes to ensure that your child will be able to breathe if she happens to get trapped inside.

- Make sure that the mesh on your baby’s playpen is fine enough to prevent a button from catching—something that could pose a strangulation risk.

- Use a fireplace pad on your fireplace hearth and keep your child far away from the fireplace while it’s being used.

- Put your vacuum cleaner away when it’s not being used so that your child won’t accidentally hurt her fingers or toes with the beater bar.

- Position floor lamps so that they’re out of your child’s reach or pack them away entirely.

- Place table lamps towards the back of the table and wrap the cord around the table leg for added stability.

Laundry room:

- Store laundry products out of your baby or toddler’s reach.

- Never allow your child to play around the washer or dryer.

Basement:

- Store paint thinners and other harmful substances out of your child’s reach.

- Ensure that woodworking tools are kept in a locked room or cabinet.

Garage:

- Teach your child that the garage is off limits.

- Ensure that your garage door is equipped with a safety feature that will cause it to go back up if it comes into contact with a person or object.

- Store tools, pesticides, automotive parts, and other hazardous items out of your child’s reach.

- Check that your child’s car seat is installed properly in your vehicle.

Backyard:

- Keep the BBQ away from your child’s play area.

- Ensure that your pool area is properly fenced (the fence should be at least four feet high and should surround the entire pool) and that the gate on the fence is both self-closing and self-locking.

- Check that your child’s playground equipment is safe and well anchored. You can find a detailed playground safety checklist at the Safe Kids Canada web site.

- Empty your child’s wading pool whenever it’s not in use.

- Ensure that her sandbox has a lid to keep neighborhood cats out.

- Keep your child away from any poisonous plants or weeds that are growing in your hard.

DISCIPLINE VS. PUNISHMENT

by Jody Johnston Pawel, LSW, CFLE

Discipline is different from punishment because it teaches children to learn from their mistakes rather than making them suffer for them. In fact, imposing suffering actually shifts the focus from the lesson that needs to be learned to who is in control. As a result, punishment focuses on the parent being responsible for controlling a child's behavior, rather than the child controlling his/her own behavior, which is the focus of discipline.

In Positive Discipline, Jane Nelsen offers guidelines for using consequences, which she calls the Four R's of consequences. These four R's actually apply to all discipline techniques, not just natural and logical consequences. Whatever discipline technique you choose, make sure it meets the following four criteria:

• Whenever possible, REVEAL the consequences of misbehavior ahead of time so children will know what to expect the next time they choose to misbehave.
  
  "If you want to ride your bike, you need to stay on the sidewalk or I'll know you've decided to put it in the garage."
  
  Notice how the responsibility for the behavior and its effect are on the child rather than the parent. Can you tell how different this sounds than if the parent said, "Don't go in the street or I'll take your bike away." First of all, this wording gives the child the idea to go in the street (See "Don't say Don't!" July 1993 T.I.P.S.) then challenges the child to test the rule by wording it like a power threat.
  
  
• The discipline should be logically RELATED to the misbehavior. Sending a child to bed or restricting a child from TV has nothing to do with riding a bike in the street.

• resent your comments in a RESPECTFUL manner that lets children know they have a choice about how they behave.
  
  "When I see you riding your bike in the street, I know you're not ready to ride it safely and need to put the bike away."
  
  Notice how different this sounds than, "That's it, get out of the street! I'm taking your bike away for the rest of the day! You could get killed out there!" When we speak to children in disrespectful ways, they respect us less and tend to talk back at us disrespectfully more often. We earn others' respect by showing respect to them first.
  
• Provide a REASONABLE solution that will allow children an opportunity to correct the behavior while the lesson is fresh in their minds.
  
  "You can try to ride your bike again on the sidewalk after lunch."
  
  Notice that the time limit was a matter of hours, rather than days. Always make the time limit as minimal as possible, but long enough to emphasize the lesson. Also, notice that the correct behavior was presented as a choice. The parent is respectfully revealing the discipline again before giving the child another chance.
  
  Each time the child violates the rule, increase the time limit gradually. If you restrict children from a bike for a week the first time, they'll spend more time dwelling on their resentment than thinking about the lesson. If they make the same mistake again, they're likely to lose the bike for a month! Children need practice at being good -- and we need to be honest with ourselves and decide whether our goal is to teach positive behavior, to show who is in power, or to get revenge.
  
  If any one of the Four R's is missing from the discipline, it turns the technique into punishment, which has Four (new) Four R's: Resentment, Rebellion, Revenge, and Retreat (lying, learning to not get caught, running away). If your child reacts in any of these ways, review how you presented your discipline. Chances are, one of the Four R's of Discipline was missing. But don't worry, children always give us another chance to learn from our mistakes

Jody Johnston Pawel is a Licensed Social Worker, Certified Family Life Educator, second-generation parent educator, founder of The Family Network, and President of Parents Toolshop Consulting. She is the author of 100+ parent education resources, including her award-winning book, The Parent's Toolshop. For 25+ years, Jody has trained parents and family professionals through her dynamic workshops and interviews with the media worldwide, including Parents and Working Mother magazines, and the Ident-a-Kid television series. Jody currently serves as the online parenting expert for Cox Ohio Publishing’s mom-to-mom websites and also serves on the Advisory Board of the National Effective Parenting Initiative.

What to Avoid When Meeting His/Her Parents

By: Peter Portero

Whether you’ve been dating your partner for many months, or even if it’s your first date, the first meeting with his/her parents can be a nerve-racking and uncomfortable endeavor. As the old dandruff commercial says, “You only get one chance to make a first impression.”

This rule of life is especially true when meeting the duo who thinks no one is good enough for their “baby”.

Don’t dress tacky

On the day of the meeting, carefully plan your wardrobe. Always pick attire that is comfortable for you, such as jeans and a sweater, but not so casual that it becomes inappropriate- like (for women) cleavage or a belly-button ring on display. For men, avoid low-hanging pants that definitely give parents the “punk” impression.

No trash talking

Secondly, make sure that your dialect and conversation project the well-rounded, intelligent person you are. In other words, no cussing like a sailor, or using so much slang that the parental figures can’t decipher what you’re trying to say. Save that kind of chatter for friends and when you are alone with your partner.

Keep your hands to yourself

The touchy feely-ness of a new relationship is cute, but it’s cuter behind closed doors. Clinging, making out, playful punches, etc., may be kosher in front of parents on down the road, but for the first meeting, it’s a definite no-no. Additionally, it may embarrass the heck out of your partner.

About the Author:

Meet Thai Girls through our site.

Practical Tips for First-time Grandparents

By: Lori Anton

Becoming a first-time grandparent is exciting. An event many people look forward to with great anticipation in later life. The first snapshot that reaches your anxious hands, the first time holding your grandchild’s tiny, sweet-smelling body in your arms. The first time hearing the long awaited words “grandma,” or “grandpa” from cherub lips all will make your heart melt with pride, joy, and love.

Whether you live a great distance away, a few towns over, or just around the block, you can have a very positive impact on your grandchild’s life, become an important role model, and be of great help to your daughter or son – new in their role as a parent.

First Things First…the New Parents

To ensure that things get off to a good start it is important to consider the following: How much help and advice is too much? After all, you don't want to overwhelm new parents, not yet comfortable or confident in their new role as parents. Or make it appear as though you question their competence.

To avoid possible offense, it might be best to offer advice sparingly, except when specifically asked. Once the new parents understand that your motive is genuine, and not because you think they are not doing a good enough job, they will relax and better appreciate your unique role as grandparent.

It is also a good idea not to criticize the efforts of your child in their role as parent – or the efforts of their spouse. Unless the child’s safety, health, or emotional well-being is at risk, at which time helpful suggestions instead of pointed criticism will produce better results. Remember, your goal is to help create a happy and loving environment for your grandchild, not one marred by hurt or resentment.

That aside, let’s looks at the many positive ways you can add to the quality of your life and that of your grandchild, at the same time benefiting the lives of others involved.

Building a Special Bond with Your Grandchild

As a grandparent, you have the golden opportunity to play a very important and positive role in their life – now, and in years to come.

If you live nearby, one way to spend quality time with your grandchild is to baby sit, as time and health permit. This not only provides you precious moments alone with your grandchild, but new parents benefit from time off by themselves. It is healthy for parents to take a “breather” every now and then, and what better person to care for the baby than you, the grandparent?

Babies love to be rocked. They also enjoy pleasing sounds; singing softly is soothing to a baby, and creates a sense of contentment. The more you talk and sing to your grandchild, the quicker they will learn the sound of your voice, the sooner they respond with gurgles and giggles every time you enter the room.

The Joys of Reading

Toddlers and young children love to be read to. Snuggling down in a chair with your grandchild, reading, laughing, and giggling together builds a closer bond between you and your grandchild. It also helps the child develop listening, reasoning, and language skills.

Select interesting, age-appropriate stories, ones with plenty of bright, colorful pictures. Choose stories that stress good moral values, and teach life-lessons. After reading the story, ask your grandchild questions about the story; discuss what happened, what the character did or did not do, and why.

Educators frequently emphasize the importance of the first three years of a child’s life. The size of their brain grows 90%, new skills are learned, and their unique personality blossoms. Engaging a young child in conversation encourages them to share their thoughts and feelings. Reading to them piques interest in literary works early in life. Both facilitate good communication and socialization skills.

Long-Distance Grand Parenting

Even if you live a great distance away you can still have a big impact on your grandchild’s life. Precious moments visiting back and forth will feel all too short; but such visits will be precious and time spent together remembered with fondness.

When grandchildren do visit, lots of hugs and planning a special activity together is important. A trip to the park or playground, playing a game, sharing a banana split at an ice cream shop all offer the opportunity to talk and share; filling in the missing months or years between visits.

Distant grandparents can also take advantage of modern technology; the Internet, fax machines, and telephones. Cell phones – especially those that allow the exchange of pictures – are great and help bridge the miles.

E-mailing pictures and messages over the Internet is an inexpensive, convenient, and fun way to maintain daily contact. Computer programs that allow voice messages and digital cameras for on-the-spot photo sharing enhance exchanges and are the next best thing to actually being there.

At Savvy-Baby-Gear.com, we know that grandparents have the potential to impact their grandchildren’s lives in very tangible ways. They also have a marvelous opportunity to teach grandchildren about family history; linking the past with the present, giving that child a deep sense of belonging.

About the Author:

Lori S. Anton has been a published writer for nearly 30 years. She is founder and editor of Writers Write Now, offering original professionally written SEO custom content, quick content, and free content for web sites.

Natural Childbirth A Direction Of Choice

By Daniel Millions

We have two beautiful daughters, aged 3 and 4. We also have the memories of two natural childbirth experiences we will always treasure. Our first attempt at a natural home childbirth was almost a complete success. Almost meaning we had to go to the hospital for the final two hours before delivery. The complication was that when Laura's water broke, the meconium level in the waters was too high (meconium is normally stored in the infant's intestines until after birth, but sometimes it is expelled into the amniotic fluid prior to birth during labor).

By law, when the level is too high, the midwife must abort the home birth and proceed to the hospital. An emergency baby team must be on hand at birth in case the baby has received some infection. Kaelyn was in perfect shape though, born at 4:35 am. We were back home by 8:00 am. A totally drug free birth. Although Kaelyn was born in the hospital, the experience of going through the majority of the experience together, in our home, with a very caring and wonderful midwife guiding us is so special.

The experience really helped to bond us in ways I don't think would have been possible in a hospital environment, not for us anyway. Our second natural home childbirth was a complete success. Laura's labor was about 12 hours long this time. It went by so fast, our calculations of time between contractions were a bit off, mainly because we had this longer period of going through this phase in our minds. Our midwife was waiting impatiently for our call. It was her who called us to find out what in the world was happening and after we explained she raced right over. It appeared Laura was already quite dilated and baby was on the way. Huh? I was totally unprepared. The same pool which was set up again in the basement had hardly any water in it yet. It takes long as you go through several hot water tanks full to get enough in it for mommy. The previous labor I had it timed to a tee. It was ready and waiting for Laura. Not this time. What do I do, I cried to the midwife? "Get the bathtub ready!" she replied, in her usual logical and calm fashion. The bathtub was covered in baby art-scribbles from bathtub crayons.

I raced in, removed the glass shower doors and ran them downstairs. I had to disinfect and scrub down the tub and shower enclosure. The second midwife arrived and I did all I could to keep up to their requirements and requests. Before we new it Laura was in the warm water deep in concentration and calm breathing techniques. The warm water (an exact temperature maintained at 36- 37C) visibly helped Laura get into a deep relaxed state. They say the pain killing benefits of the warm water can be similar to Demerol. After witnessing her state in the tub that night, I believe it. The midwife's orders continued. "Turn up the house temperature! Where can Laura lie down near the bathroom to nurse after the birth? Get Laura more water to drink! Put some more warm wet towels on top of her! As I struggled to pull up a queen sized mattress from the basement to lay on the floor in our fireplace room, I could hear Laura. "Tell Mark to get in here and get the camera, the baby is coming.

The next second it seemed, I was in the bathroom with a video camera in one hand and a still camera in the other, just in time to see my second daughter come into the world...under water. A perfect birth. I was even steady enough this time to cut the cord. Before I new it Laura was on the mattress with baby Talia in her arms, wrapped up tight and warm with her little white toque on her tiny head, waiting for her first feeding. Laura on the phone to her mother in Argentina telling her the good news. A scene so similar to the many childbirth videos we had watched in our classes with the Doula. A dream come true. I was so proud of Laura. I still am.

A couple of hours later, Talia met her big sister. Natural birth is the delivery of a baby without using drugs or surgery during birth. What we learned in our natural childbirth classes is that "birth is a natural process, not a medical procedure." Unfortunately, a radical concept for most doctors, but it is a true fact nonetheless. You really can have a beautiful, drug-free experience in childbirth if you have your baby in a hospital or at home. It is wherever the mother is most comfortable. Take the time and learn about all of the advantages of natural childbirth when you take a class such as those offered by Doulas in your area. Natural childbirth is much better for the mother. The mother has a completely different experience during birth if she is not drugged - a significantly more fulfilling and beautiful experience. She also feels much more in control of her body and the health of her baby. Natural childbirth is also much better for the baby. The baby arrives in an un-drugged and more active and alert state.

Try to find birth videos, showing the differences between drugged and un-drugged babies immediately after birth. Un-drugged babies are active and responsive. Drugged babies can barely move. A video of birth, from all types of birth, can be a very powerful and enlightening decision making tool. When an alert and active (un-drugged) baby is placed on the abdomen of an alert and un-drugged mother, an amazing thing happens: the baby and mother bond in a more solid and real way. The baby will naturally find the breast and begin feeding. This simply does not happen when mother and child are drugged, and as a result breast-feeding starts off on a much rockier road. Prepare and think about this early on in pregnancy.

You will not have a natural childbirth in today's society unless you take active steps to make it happen. Read and learn about the almost non-existent need for caesarean section procedures in places of the world where home and water births a practiced regularly. You and your spouse must decide in your own minds that you want a natural birth. You must find a midwife or doctor who supports your decision. The first time you look into birth plans, the number of options are confusing. Once you have done the research into the type of birth you want you will be focused and confident.

You will be ready to manage pain and know exactly what to do at different stages of the birth. With the right preparation and support, you'll feel empowered and deeply satisfied by natural childbirth. It was a choice we would not hesitate to make again. It is a choice we will always recommend. A direction of choice we will always cherish.

Video of birth, Video of labor & birth and Family Guy Posters
Source: isnare.com

How To Raise Active Kids

By Bill Parsons

No one likes to see a fat child. We automatically assume that they are spending all their free time in front of the TV with a box of Twinkies and sodas. Unfortunately, fat kids are a fact of life in America today; and if you don't want your own kids to join this growing population, it's necessary to take steps that will ensure that they are healthy, active, fit kids who can do anything. Take Baby Steps If you have a baby at home, chances are you aren't trying to get them to practice their swing or catching abilities.
You can, however, give them plenty of opportunities to exercise. For the very small, "tummy time" is an effective and appropriate form of exercise. Spending time lying on their tummies is important – it helps the little dears strengthen their neck muscles so they can support those heads.
For older babies, giving them opportunities to stand at the furniture, bounce in a bouncy seat or even time to roll around on the floor will help to ensure that they are fit. Toddlers and young preschoolers can (once they've learned to walk and run) and will run everywhere they go, and handing them a ball or soft toy to carry with them will help improve their coordination. School Days When the kids have reached about 4 years of age, they can begin to participate in more structured physical activities.
Sign them up for trial classes in different activities like swimming or gymnastics to see what types of exercise appeals to them most. If you start kids early enough, exercising will always seem to be a pleasure and something fun that they want to do. Finding the right fit may be a challenge, but it can be done.
What's more, it will never seem like "exercise" which is, for many of us a dirty word. Extracurricular Sports Once you and your child have found a sport or two that is of interest, sign him or her up for a season of play. Many sports transition well for kids – soccer, touch football, baseball and softball come to mind right away. Kids can even play basketball; adjustable baskets make it easy for the smallest athlete to achieve success on the court.
Practice WITH your child at his or her chosen sport. Getting mom and dad in on the play helps your child's performance and won't hurt mom and dad, either. Attend practices (if feasible…some coaches like for parents to keep at a distance), scrimmages and games. Show your support by being there to cheer for your child and the team. This impresses the importance of exercise on your child, and since these little tykes live (for awhile, at any rate) to please us, they'll lap it up and keep playing. Be positive. When it occurs that they don't win the game, reassure your child. He or she has done their best, and if not, they'll do better next time. The point is not to win or lose, but to play, have fun, and be fit.

basketball hoops and basketball goals Whether it's an outdoor basketball hoop for your driveway or an indoor basketball hoop for a D1 arena, you can find the hoop for you here. Shop basketball hoops today!
Source: isnare.com

Shopping For Affordable Children's Clothes

By Daniel Millions


Most families live on very strict budgets and because of this must learn to make sacrifices and live frugally. However, children grow really quickly and need new clothes quite frequently despite their parents income. Therefore, buying clothes from a local retailer at full price is just not an option for many families. Yet, there is no reason why families have to dress their kids in hand me downs. The following tips will help parents learn to shop effectively for attractive clothes at rock bottom prices. Sales: The best way to shop for children's clothes is to shop when the clothes go on sale.

This may seem quite obvious, but there are ways to save even more money when clothes are on sale. Many times stores offer sales and then additional discounts for seniors or for certain days or times of the week. Find out when the additional discounts are offered and shop during these times. Doing so could save you an extra 10 to 20 percent, and when you are on a tight budget every dollar helps. Look for the end of the season sales, too, and you will find clothes on sale for up to 75 percent off.

That is a huge savings for families and a great opportunity to stock up on clothes for all the children at an amazing savings. Shop Ahead: Another tip for buying affordable kids clothes is to shop ahead. This goes along with the shopping sales suggestion, but takes it a step further. Many times parents will find clothes on sale at great prices, but they are the wrong size. Take advantage of the sale, anyway, and go ahead and buy clothes for the next year. You will save a great deal of money and have clothes for the kids when the next year or even two rolls around.

Shopping ahead is a money saving tip many budget minded families use. Gently Used: Many parents do not like the idea of buying used clothing, but it is a great way to save a lot of money. Not to mention, kids outgrow their clothes so quickly that most used clothing is in excellent condition. There are many auction sites where members list lots of children's clothing for sale in different sizes. In addition, many community websites have free classifieds where families list their children's clothing for sale, too.

This is great for the families selling the clothes and an amazing bargain for those buying them. Do not forget to check out consignment shops for kids clothes, too, because many times there are new or near new clothes at very affordable prices. Buy One Get One Deals: Many stores, especially shoe stores, periodically offer buy one get one free deals. As a parent on a budget look out for these deals or even call the different stores to find out when this deal will be offered. It will help you schedule your shopping to get the most for your money and this is definitely worth doing.

Of course, there are many ways to find a good deal and each individual may have some tried and true methods that really work for them. The tips listed here are just a few ways to find a good deal for children's clothing, but it works for other items the family needs, too. Those looking for savings in their monthly budget should implement these tips and they will certainly see savings because of it.

What Does Your Child Really Need From You?

Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Most parents want to be good parents. Yet parenting is one of those things that does not have hard and fast rules. So how do we know what to do? How do we know what will support our children in being all they can be?

One of the most important things for parents to do is to learn to trust their own intuition. Your feelings tell you when you are on course or off course in your behavior with your children. When things feel right inside, then you know that you are being a truly loving parent, and when they feel wrong inside, you know you are out of alignment with what is in your highest good and your children 's highest good.

I remember my mother telling me that she used to put her fist in her mouth to stop herself from crying and from picking me up when I was an infant and cried. She had read in Dr. Spock that babies should not be picked up when they cry, that it is good for their lungs to cry, and that she would spoil me if she picked me up. But her insides were telling her the opposite - that babies cry when they need food, changing, or love. It is so sad that she followed Dr. Spock instead of her own inner knowing.

Now research has proven that babies who are not picked up when they cry become more dependent and insecure than babies who are kept with their mothers. In other countries, babies sleep with their parents until they no longer want to, feeling safe all night. In our country, most babies are alone at night, some crying themselves to sleep. This is not only sad, it is not healthy for the baby.

So the first thing your child needs from you is to trust your inner knowing rather than any book you read.

Your child needs your loving presence - not your busy preoccupied presence. For your children to feel important to you, they need to feel you fully present with them - reading to them daily, playing with them, holding and comforting them, and listening to them.

Your children need for you to create a healthy environment for them by feeding them healthy food, restricting screen time - TV, computer, video games - and making sure they play outdoors and get enough exercise. They need your encouragement to develop their hobbies and interests. They need you to try natural remedies before resorting to drugs for illness, so that you don't set them up for more illness with the side effects of drugs.

They need for you to be a good role model of self-care. Children need to see their parents taking full responsibility for their own feelings instead of being victims and blaming others. With this role modeling, they will also learn to take full responsibility for their own feelings. Learning and practicing the Inner Bonding process that we teach will support you in becoming this loving role model for your children.

Children also need you to be a role model for care of the environment. My daughter told me that my 3-1/2 year-old grandson got very upset with the checker at the market for using a plastic bag. "No, no plastic bags! It 's bad for the environment!" he told the checker. By role modeling caring for our planet, we can raise children who are much more conscious of taking care of our environment.

Your children need to see you being connected with a spiritual Source of love, peace and wisdom in order to naturally connect with their own higher power. By developing your spiritual connection, they can learn to have their own.

What do your children really need from you? They need you to learn to be all you can be so they have the role modeling and permission to be all they can be.

About the Author

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and �Healing Your Aloneness.� She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding� healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.

Thinking Other Mom's Homes Are Neater Than Yours!

By Jennifer Tankersley

Do you ever visit other moms' homes and wonder how they keep it so neat? Do you ever sit around in your own home with toys strewn over the floor, laundry piles (both clean and dirty) beckoning for attention, and three meals worth of dishes stacked next to the sink and wonder why you are the only mom on the planet who cannot keep up with her home? If you answered yes to either of these questions, then you may be suffering from "TOMHANTY" Syndrome (Thinking Other Moms' Homes Are Neater Than Yours). The symptoms of this terrible disease are guilt, envy, stress, and even withdrawal (did I mention guilt?). You look around as you walk from room to room wondering how it could have gotten so messy since yesterday. You believe that the new friend you just made from your weekly visit to the library could never let her house look like a tornado just went through it. You are sure that your friend whose house you visit occasionally for a scheduled playgroup would never have dust bunnies the size of . . .well, a bunny.

Welcome to the Real Moms Club, where it is not just about being a mom, but being real and knowing that you don't have to be a perfect housekeeper. Maybe in the days of our grandmothers when society said that kids could roam unsupervised and free around town, but a mom's house was a reflection of who she was as a woman. Today, there is a different set of priorities for many moms, and a perfect house is not usually the highest on the list, although we still imagine we are being judged on everything from how we raise our children to how much education we pursue to how great a job we land and finally to how tidy we keep house. Moms of today are stretched and pulled in many directions. Life is rarely as simple as a clean house. Stop telling yourself that you are not a good mom because your house is not always as neat as you think other moms' homes are. Most moms are struggling to keep up as well.

What is the cure to TOMHANTY Syndrome, you ask? Well, you could drop by a friend's house unannounced with the pretext of delivering some home-baked cookies; you could watch her face turn beet red with shame as she turns to survey the wreck of toys, laundry, and dishes behind her; you could listen to her offer up every reason why her house is in such disarray; or maybe you could just take me at my word when I say that you are not alone. Release your guilt by making a list of what you DID accomplish today: got kids dressed, dropped kids off at school and picked kids up after, washed and folded a load of laundry, paid bills, took dog to vet, fed family for the day. It all counts toward making your house a home in which your family can grow and feel loved.

Jennifer Tankersley is the creator of List Mama Blog: Lists of Lists for List-Lovin' Mamas and ListPlanIt.com where you can find 250 lists and planning pages including cleaning schedules, daily to do lists, grocery lists, and holiday/party planning to put your world in order.

What Kind of Lessons Do SuperMoms Teach Their Kids?

By Aurelia Williams

If you hear someone described as a "supermom", immediately you think of someone who is good at everything that she does. She is the mom who manages her household flawlessly while working a full-time job and carpooling kids to after-school activities. A "supermom" is a mother who puts the needs of her family above her own and wants to be that dependable person who volunteers on every school committee.

Basically, a "supermom" is a mother with an overextended schedule and rarely does she do everything well.

Parents are the best and most important teachers in their kids' lives and very often kids will watch and imitate what their parents do, even if it seems as though they don't listen to what their parents say. So let's deconstruct the fictional supermom character and see what lessons her children may be learning from this behavior.

A supermom generally does not ask for help, hence the reason why most moms still do all the cooking and cleaning, even if they work a full-time job. The reasons for this may vary, from their spouses think running a household is still "women's work" to the kids are too busy with homework and activities.

Supermom's children who watch this behavior will start to think that: someone will always take care of me; it's a show of weakness to ask for help; or it's a woman's job to do everything for her family. This is an unbalanced view of life, especially for the college freshman who is now living on his own and can barely manage because mom has always cleaned up after him. This same son may also expect his own wife to take care of everything, which could lead to marital problems.

Someone who is in the supermom trap feels the need to volunteer or help everyone who calls, whether it is for family, church, or school. Learning how to say "no" to some of these obligations is tough but worthwhile because it will lighten supermom's schedule.

Children naturally question if they can have everything or participate in every activity. They have a natural curiosity to try something new or to continue lessons in which they excel. But if supermom has trouble saying no to her own commitments, then she will also have trouble limiting her children's schedule. While after school activities are fun and exciting, if they cause a student's grades to suffer, then cutting back should be a priority.

Saying "no" to certain activities also teaches the children that there are limits in life and that you cannot participate in everything. This is common sense from a monetary viewpoint as well as from a time viewpoint. Also, learning how to say "no" will do children well when faced with such issues as teen sex or peer pressure.

Another trouble spot for supermoms is that everyone else's needs come before their own and they rarely get the time to do something fun for themselves. This can drain your energy to always be giving to everyone in the family but it can also affect one's self-esteem, thinking that your needs and your fun ideas are not important.

Parenting experts agree that children suffer from low self-esteem in record numbers so it's important to give validity to their original ideas. Even if you think a certain activity will be boring, give it a try for your child to show him or her that their ideas matter. If they want to paint their room black, make a compromise and paint one wall black. If parents always tell the kids what is good or bad, they will hesitate to voice their own opinions in adulthood.

Many women who deem themselves "supermoms" may hesitate to change their habits, thinking it is too difficult or that they are too important to a certain committee. These supermoms need to realize that even though the road may be difficult, the reward will be great when their children see their mother taking care of herself and can spend quality time with them.

Aurelia Williams is a certified life coach and author of Don't Fall Into The SuperMom Trap

The ABCs of Parenting and Stress Management: 26 Ways to Get Through the Most Trying Days

By Dr. Robyn J.A. Silverman

Trying to cope with a toddler tantrum on an hour’s worth of sleep?

Battling with your teen about staying out to late?

Nobody said that parenting was going to be easy, but come on!

Don’t you wish that someone gave you the manual for parenting and stress management when your little bundle of joy was born?

Arm yourself from A to Z with 26 tips that will get you through the most trying days:

A- Accept the things you can not change: Single parenting? Step parenting? ADHD parenting? Just dealing with time crunches, making lunches, bunches and bunches of bills? It’s important to recognize that there are some things you can not control, surrender, move on.

B- Breathe: When things get hairy, scary, and you feel like you can barely hold on, take a step back, breathe, and be calm.

C- Count your blessings. Even though you have the weight of the world on you right now and feel far from compassionate for others who have things much worse than you do, there is some value in taking a moment to look at the things that are going right today, such as your child’s tantrum-free morning or how your spouse took out the trash…

D- Decompress. Believe it or not, there are many who do not know how to take a break. Some parents don’t even realize that it’s okay to take a break. Take time out to read a book, go out or simply hang out with family or friends. A happy parent is much more productive than a crabby one.

E- Eat nutritiously. We take care of everyone but ourselves…working, chauffeuring, monitoring homework, cooking and so on. Remember to eat breakfast and be sure to eat more than just a power bar for lunch! Nourish your body so you can nourish your mind so you won’t go crazy on top of everything else.

F- Focus on the big picture. Does it really matter that your child insists on wearing his Spiderman pajamas to the supermarket again? You’ve heard it before. Don’t sweat the small stuff (and yes, this is small). When choosing between Spidy and sanity, choose sanity.

G- Go to the gym. Do yoga. Step outside and take a long walk. Take a martial arts or dance class. Just get your body moving. Exercise will not only keep you fit and healthy to do the best parenting job you can (not to mention keep up with the kids) it will also help to clear your mind.

H- Hang up the phone. Sometimes we spend more time on the phone than with the kids, and then we wonder why they act up while we’re on the phone. Reserve some “family only” time so that the kids won’t feel so deprived of your attention and when you do need to converse on the phone, you’ll be able to without interruption.

I- Identify the kind of family you are aiming to be. Have you ever sat down with your family and actually discussed the kind of family you aim to be? Respectful? Kind? Supportive? Discuss those Powerful Words! Get your family together, discuss and create the vision as a team so everyone is on board and knows what they are trying to achieve.

J- Joke around. Don’t take everything so seriously! What makes your hair turn gray today will likely make your face turn beet red with laughter one day down the road.

K- Kiss, hug and show affection. Affection is such a simple thing that can make your family feel more secure as opposed to feeling like they need a therapist! Set the precedent for your family and show that you appreciate one another.

L- Listen to your family. Your children have great stories to tell. Your significant other has dreams about the future. When we listen, we expand our minds and catch all the subtleties that otherwise pass us by. Listening enables us to know what to say and when to say it.

M- Make time for family fun. Shuttling between extracurricular activities all the time? Remember that it’s important to take time out for family fun. Take a vacation, have a family game night, go for a bike ride together. It’s important to do something together and that everyone will enjoy.

N- Negotiate time for the couple. We all love spending time with the kids, but it is just as important for the couple to spend private time together. Rekindle your love every week, whether it’s going out to dinner alone or spending time cuddling while the kids are at Grandma’s house.

O- Open your mind to “the opposition.” You and your partner are a united force, however you may not always agree. Take time to listen to the points of the other person and come to a compromise.

P- Play with your friends. Go to a movie, play golf, go to lunch! Having some adult company, conversation and laughs will make the days more pleasant and manageable.

Q- Quiet your mind. Fretting over the past is as constructive as nailing a cube of Jello to the wall. When it’s time to relax, turn off your mind and let the day go.

R- Recruit some outside support. Need help reaching your personal and family goals? Enlist the help of a coach who will help you deal with present challenges and create action plans to make the most of your future.

S- Simplify your family’s schedule. There really is no need to commit your child to 40 different activities per week. One or two activities during the school year is okay. Really.

T- Teach the lessons you want them to know. Schools do not teach character development, parents do. When you teach your child about respect and teamwork, you get respect and teamwork.

U- Utilize your resources. Did the grandparents volunteer to baby-sit? Did your neighbor offer to tutor your kids in that math you don’t understand? Take them up on their offers. Reaching out for help enables us to collect ourselves and do the things we do well.

V- Value your time. Learn to say “no.” It’s important to be involved and volunteer your time to help with fundraisers and so on, but don’t overextend yourself. It takes time away from your family and robs you of your sanity.

W- Wipe the tears. Yours and theirs. Holding grudges or letting anger and misery simply fester under the surface builds resentment and uneasiness. This is a legacy you do not want to leave.

X- Yearn to grow and learn. Just because you are a parent does not mean that you no longer can work on expanding your own mind and achieving your own goals. You may need to modify your ambition, but you can still express yourself, volunteer, take courses or even teach!

Y- Zzzzzzzz. Try to make up for that lost sleep. Parenting always seems easier when you are rested.

Have a Powerful (and stress-free) Week!

*Known as "The Character Queen," Dr. Robyn J.A. Silverman is a child development specialist, success coach, and parenting expert. Her tips-based style makes her a favorite among parents and teachers. She's the creator of the Powerful Words, a life-skills system used in children's programs. For more information or to contact Dr. Robyn, visit her Powerful Parenting Blog at http://www.DrRobynsBlog.com or website at http://www.DrRobynSilverman.com

Is My Baby Ready for a Cup?

Really, any time between about 5-9 months is prime cup time. That's a pretty big range because, of course, all kids are different and bring different skills to the table. Children who are already holding a bottle might take more readily to a cup than a child who has been fed exclusively from the breast, for example, even though this is not always the case. Motor skills play a part and so does interest.

Something important to keep in mind no matter what the age or skill of a baby in this range -- a cup should not replace breast-feedings or bottles. You should just look at it as an addition to the diet, something to wash down those new meals or practice for the day that bottle or breast weaning begins.

What Type of Cup?

Some parents like the sippy cups with valves that keep the cup from spilling no matter what position it's in.
These cups require a bit of sucking to get the fluid out which most kids are used to with breast or bottle. They also keep baby and everything around baby cleaner. Keep in mind that if you use these cups you may have to go through a second cup training when your child is older and moves to cups without lids. The dependence on no-spill lids can keep your child from learning how to avoid spills. For this reason, I advise that you use no-spill cups when it really matters (like in the car) and use a cup without a lid or with a lid with no valve (that allows a little bit of spilling) at home or in the high chair. Another type of cup that some children really take to is the type that has a straw. The advantage here comes if you frequently eat out -- your child will already have the skill of drinking with a straw.

What Types of Fluid?

You should start out with water. This is especially true if you're using a cup without a lid or valves. Just a little bit at a time -- maybe a few spoonfuls or 1/4 cup to start with. There are going to be spills and there may not be much real drinking going on, so this helps eliminate waste as well. Once your child understands what the cup is for and has a bit of a grip on how to use it, you can start to add other fluids like expressed breast milk or formula. Once your child is 6 months old, you can start to offer some juice. Just be careful -- 4 ounces or so is the limit (that's just 1/2 cup) for the entire day. Giving more juice can lead to problems like cavities and diarrhea. You may also find that your baby will stop eating all the healthy food you offer. I've seen the latter happen even with just small amounts of juice, though, so try to get the nutritious stuff in first and then offer the cup. My son stayed entertained with the cup and I got some much-needed cleaning in when I gave him the cup after meals instead of before or during and that way he didn't refuse the less sweet foods or fill up on juice.

More Tips for Introducing a Cup

• Don't force the cup -- if your child isn't interested, try again later. Remember that whatever is in the cup isn't replacing the nutrition your child is getting elsewhere at this point, so it's not a necessity.
• Make sure your child is always sitting up to avoid choking. Sippy cups can be used even when they aren't upright, so encourage your child to drink sitting up.
• Remember the old adage "Don't cry over spilled milk." Learning to use the cup is just like any skill that requires practice, practice practice. Don't get angry or discipline your child for spills or accidents.
• Keep it nutritious. Coke, sugary juice cocktails and other soft drinks don't add any benefit to your child's diet so don't add them to your child's cup. If you use fruit juice, make sure it's 100 percent juice with no sweeteners added. (source: http://babyparenting.about.com)
  

Healthy Living Starts at Home

By Harriet S. Mosatche and Anna Katherine Montgomery

Voices of girls across the country rang out loud and clear in the new Girl Scout Research Institute study, The New Normal? What Girls Say About Healthy Living, released on January 25, 2006. In the study's major findings, girls revealed that healthy living is as much about feeling emotionally secure as it is about eating well, being fit and looking good. "As a result," said Senior Researcher Judy Schoenberg of the Girl Scout Research Institute, "efforts that focus solely on nutrition and physical activity may be missing the mark for many girls."

Embracing Healthy Habits

The relationship between girls and their parents is a cornerstone of healthy living; mothers, especially, play a crucial role in influencing their daughters' lifestyle choices. What, then, do parents need to be aware of that will help their children embrace healthy living? "Girls need adults in their lives to model healthy living attitudes and behaviors," Schoenberg said. Girls also need emotional support, which is something that parents can provide. Supportive comments definitely make a difference with girls; the study reveals that 89 percent of girls report that their mothers make positive comments about their appearances.

Girls need motivation to put their health knowledge to work, so find fun ways to encourage healthy habits. Schoenberg reports that girls, "will reject any effort to make them behave in ways that seem weird or extreme — which might include daily vigorous exercise or deciding not to snack, to swear off junk food, etc."

Motivating Girls

Here are ideas for driving healthy habits home.

Emphasize the Importance of Healthy Eating. More than 60% of teenage girls in The New Normal study say they skip breakfast at least once a week, and nearly 20% skip that important meal every day. Too often, these skipped meals translate into trips to school vending machines with few healthy choices. Keep healthy, easy-to-prepare food on hand so girls can fit breakfast into the typical morning rush.

Get Creative with Recipes. Cook with your children, encouraging them to create healthy meal masterpieces. Not only are you giving them an outlet for their creativity, but your children are more likely to eat something if they have a hand in making it.

Make Physical Activity an Adventure. Invite your children and their friends to join you in a group walk or game, anything that involves lots of moving around, maybe teach each other new dance steps. These activities provide a fun, social opportunity as well as a great workout.

Get Involved in Community Efforts. Find out what's going on in your community related to healthy living. Are there a variety of opportunities for regular physical activity and healthy food choices at school and in your community? If not, get involved and encourage your daughter to become an advocate, too. One way to do this is by participating in the development and implementation of School Wellness Policies, which are mandated in every school district that receives federal school meal funding. You and your daughter can make sure that the unique girl perspective about healthy living is included in those policies.

For more information about The New Normal study, visit www.girlscouts.org/research/publications/ original/healthy_living.asp.

Harriet S. Mosatche, Ph.D., is a Girl Scout volunteer advisor, national staff member and author of Where Should I Sit at Lunch? The 24/7 Guide to Surviving the High School Years (McGraw-Hill, 2006). Anna Katherine Montgomery is a writer and consultant to GSUSA.

Keeping Girls Gang-free

By Jo Seavey-Hultquist

"I was always mad and I took my pain out on others. . . I started acting like this when I was 9 years old and I think it's because my father wasn't around, my mom didn't understand me, and I just felt lonely and confused. I was just looking for someone to really listen and so I turned to gang banging and living the crazy lifestyle.”
—Ayan, age 15 (Girl Scouting in Detention Centers participant)

Youth gangs are broadly defined as a group of juveniles who form an allegiance, claim a territory, wear common colors, hang out together and commit crimes together. And they are attracting more and more girls. According to a National Youth Gang Survey conducted in 2000, approximately 6 percent of the almost 773,000 documented active gang members were female. Later studies, however, suggest that the number of female gang members ranges from 8 to 38 percent.

And gangs are not just a big city problem. In fact, female gangs are more likely to be found in small cities and rural areas than in large cities. Eighty-seven percent of police departments in suburban counties with populations of 100,000 to 249,999 report persistent gang activity in their communities.

From 'Could-be' to 'Wanna-be'

Gang members refer to girls under 10 years old as "could-be's," while those who imitate gang dress or behavior or hang around with gang members, are known as "wanna-be's." Girls who have gone through a gang initiation and participate in a variety of activities, including robbery or violence. are "regular members."


Major Risk Factors

Jody Miller, an associate professor in the Department of Criminology and Criminal Justice at the University of Missouri—St. Louis and a leading researcher on girls and gangs, notes three factors exhibited by girls who join gangs: they come from dysfunctional families, have gangs in their neighborhoods or have peers who belong to gangs, and have a family member involved in a gang. Meda Chesney-Lind, a criminologist, professor of Women's Studies at the University of Hawaii-Manoa and author of several books on girls in gangs, notes that the majority of girls who join gangs have been sexually or physically abused and see gangs as a refuge.

Warning Signs

But even girls from caring homes can become involved in gangs, so parents need to be alert if their daughters exhibit the following signs: regularly dressing in one color; having gang symbols or gang-like graffiti written on books or clothing; getting a tattoo with gang connotations (such as the number 13 or the name of a street or neighborhood); being called by a new nickname (such as Crazy Girl); becoming aggressive; or suddenly having a lot of extra cash from unknown sources.

Prevention and Positive Alternatives

Some of the things parents can do to combat gangs is to report suspicious activities to the police, share information with other parents, and ensure that supervised, positive after-school and weekend activities are available. Girl Scouting, which has always been committed to the well-being of girls, provides a safe, nurturing environment where they can make friends, find acceptance, and learn important life-skills.

Girl Scouts of Santa Clara County has been helping girls build skills for dealing with violence and negative influences with Got Choices, funded by GSUSA and the Department of Justice and delivered through Girl Scouting in Detention Centers and P.A.V.E. (Project Anti-Violence Education) the Way. In existence for 10 years, Got Choices serves girls who are at risk for joining gangs or who are involved in the juvenile justice system. Young-adult staff, who serve as program counselors, facilitate discussions on violence prevention, self-esteem, making positive choices and setting goals. Guest speakers conduct workshops on topics such as teen dating violence and non-traditional career options.

Last year, 80 percent of participants reported that the program increased their ability to make positive life choices. "I learned from the program counselors to have more confidence in myself and to treat others better,” said one participant. "The program has made a difference. Before, I would not talk to anyone and just keep it all to myself. Now, I got so close to the counselors that I can tell them my problems."

Online Resources

For more information on youth gangs, visit the Web site Gang Out.

Visit the Web site of the National Criminal Justice Reference Service, Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention, for information on:

• Preventing adolescent gang involvement
• Research reports on female gangs
• Publications on women and girls in the criminal justice system
• Guiding Principles for Promising Female Programming

Visit socialworktoday.com for an article on "Girls, Gangs, & Crime: Profile of the Young Female."

Jo Seavey-Hultquist, program director of Girl Scouts of Santa Clara County, has a master's degree in social work, and more than 10 years of youth program development experience with a special focus on violence-prevention programming.

Get Your Kids to Cooperate Using This Very Simple Phrase

By Barb Desmarais

In the early seventies, I was training to become an early childhood educator. My training included practicums in different preschool settings. I was very fortunate in having an excellent sponsor teacher on one of my practicums whose wisdom has stayed with me since. She taught me a very simple but magical phrase.

I remember one day all the kids were going out to play and it was a wet, rainy day. The teacher asked that they all put their boots on. I was in charge of a small group and one of the little girls in my group refused to put on her boots. "Please put your boots on", I said to her. She ignored me. "Nicki, it's time to put your boots on", I repeated. She ignored me again. Just then the teacher walked by and I told her I wasn't able to get little Nicki to put her boots on. "Nicki, as soon as you've got your boots on I'll know you're ready to play outside" she said. In no time flat the boots were on and off she went to play outside. I was amazed that the same request I was making, worded differently, got immediate results. I've never forgotten the effectiveness of that short, simple phrase.

Why did the teacher's approach work and mind didn't? Children like the rest of us want to feel empowered. If we ask them to do something, they'll either refuse or procrastinate and dawdle. They're simply exercising power and control. This simple way of wording a request, gives them some power yet the request is still the same. You are giving them the opportunity of telling you when they're ready to do something. That's the way they interpret it. It's not perceived as a command. Very few of us respond kindly to a command.

I taught preschool for several years and later had my own children. Virtually every day as my children were growing up I was able to use this very simple way of gaining their co-operation. If they wanted to watch a movie, or play outside, or have a snack I would often say: "As soon as you've brushed your teeth, I'll know you're reading for your story" or "As soon as you've hung your coat up and put your shoes away, I'll know you're ready for your snack" or "As soon as you've picked up your lego, I'll know you're ready to watch your movie."

Another variation of the same phrase is when your child asks for something or to do something you can say: "Sure, as soon as you've finished your homework" or "Sure, as soon as the dishwasher is emptied". They might say: "Can I have a cookie?" You can reply: "Sure you can have a cookie; as soon as you've fed the cat." You get the idea.

In the 20 years that I've worked as a parent educator I've shared this very simple, effective phrase with literally hundreds of parents. Many have come back to me with comments such as: "It works like magic" or "I was skeptical but it really works" or "I can't believe how easy it is." What is so nice is that it's appropriate to use with every age group, as long as they have language. Give it a try.

Barbara Desmarais is a parenting and life coach and has worked with parents for close to 20 years. To get more tips and insights on parenting, visit her website at http://www.theparentingcoach.com - Sign up for her monthly parenting ezine and receive your free copy of her popular e-book "Raise Your Children But Not Your Voice."

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Barb_Desmarais

How Do Children See Race?

Printed with permission from Dr. Marguerite A. Wright's book I'm Chocolate, You're Vanilla, available here.

Note: This section, titled "Do White Children See Race Differently?" concludes the first section of Dr. Wright's book, in which she outlines the developmental steps in which young children first perceive skin color and race, and the meanings they attach to these attributes. Dr. Wright has outlined her advice on how to raise black and biracial children (and indeed, all children) with as little racial bias as possible in our race-conscious world, and ends her section on preschoolers with this passage. We highly recommend the book to parents of every ethnic background.

Johnny Lee, a white man who was a former imperial wizard and a founder and recruiter for the Ku Klux Klan Youth Corps, vividly remembers his experience when he was five and saw a black man for the first time. Johnny said to his father, "Look, Daddy, there's a chocolate-covered man." Daddy replied, "No, son, that's a nigger." Lee said that it was at that moment that "the seeds of hatred" were planted that resulted in his life in the Klan, a life he later repudiated.

Unlike young Johnny, white children who have not been sensitized to race ascribe little importance to skin color.

Relatively few studies have been done on how children of other races, including whites, become aware of racial differences. Those available suggest that skin color is not as salient an issue for white children at the early grade-school stage of development as it is for blacks. It is understandable that young white children do not tend to regard skin color as important, since racial prejudice is generally not a factor in their lives.

I am impressed by how little race seems to matter to many of the white young grade-schoolers I encounter. Most of them, from families of friends and acquaintances, attend integrated schools or live in mixed-race communities. Their answers to my question about race are similar to Ian's, a six-year-old white youngster. Ian described the colors of the white and black people as, respectively, "whitish" and "brownish"; he can identify the "Chinese" people and says that he has friends who speak Spanish, although he doesn't have a special name for them. Like black children who do not come from racially obsessed families, Ian did not spontaneously describe or categorize people by skin color or race. Despite my repeated promptings, Ian could not think of a single way, other than skin color, in which blacks and whites differed. Although his level of understanding about how people get their color and his awareness of the existence of different racial groups was similar to that of black children, skin color did not seem as emotional an issue for him as it was for some blacks.

I have heard of Latino and Asian children for whom "race" became an emotional issue when they were subjected to teasing and other mean behavior because of their accents, their limited fluency in English, their different types of dress or the lunches they bring to school. Fortunately, however, most early grade-schoolers, regardless of race, do not seem to have stereotypes of themselves or of people who are different colors. Like preschoolers, they are inclined to see people as individuals rather than as members of a group--color, racial or otherwise. Because of this developmental advantage, these early years are an optimum time for children of different races to get to know each other, before they become aware of the stereotypes that in time will rob them of their racial innocence.

I suspect that children in other countries with a history of racial discrimination develop race awareness in ways similar to American children. Several years ago, I met a lovely white six-year-old at the home of friends of friends while visiting Australia. From the start, she seemed very comfortable with me, unlike a few of the adults, all gracious people, who it seemed to me were trying a little too hard to appear at ease with a black person. Circumstances led to my spending much of the afternoon talking and playing games with her. It wasn't until much time had passed and we rejoined the adults' conversation that she began to ask me about myself.

First, she asked questions about my skin color (like "How did your skin color become brown?" and "Will it change back?"). Next, she asked me about my full lips. Her parents understandably were discomfited by her questions and took turns trying to dissuade her from asking me anything else. Actually, it was quite amusing. The parents were growing increasingly tense trying not to offend me, while their daughter, oblivious to their discomfort, became increasingly more persistent in her questioning. To make matters worse, their guest was not being very cooperative with the parents' efforts to restrain their daughter.

In spite of my assurances that I didn't mind answering the questions, the parents continued to try various strategies to silence their daughter, all the while doing their utmost not to appear anxious. Eventually, they found some pretext to escort her from the room. She had never seen, much less talked to, a black person before, and her curiosity was perfectly normal. I knew that to her, skin color and lip shape were just physical attributes, not the hot potatoes they were to her parents. When we said good-bye later that day, I felt a tinge of sadness; I wondered if I visited her again several years in the future whether she would see my color more than she would see me.

Even at this stage of development, children who have not been exposed to the racial prejudices of their family and society retain the remarkable gift of obliviousness to the social baggage attached to race. Dr. Laura Schlessinger, author and nationally syndicated talk show host, once told a marvelous story on her show about a childhood incident that illustrates this point. When she was a girl, she had a piano teacher named Charlie. Whenever he came to her home to give her piano lessons, he greeted her younger sister by hoisting her on his shoulders. One day, about a year after Laura had been taking lessons, Charlie did not hoist her sister on his shoulders. Instead, he bent down and gave her a candy. Her sister said, "Charlie, your hands are black!" This was the first time her sister had noticed Charlie's skin color despite all the time they has known each other. Although she had been oblivious to his different skin color when she was younger, as she grew older, she was developmentally able to see the difference. Dr. Schlessinger concluded: "Racism is not congenital; it has to be learned."